Oh no!

So I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, I know I truly was thankful to spend time with our family. Also, I ate a ton of food! :)

This past Saturday morning, while I was getting ready to go to work, I started bleeding. 1,000 thoughts ran through my mind......Oh NO, this can't be! How can we go through so much and then this starts now?!...There is never anything good that comes out of bleeding while you are pregnant... As I tried to hold back the tears, it wasn't happening... I completely lost it. It is so amazing how attached you become to the little one, even at 12 weeks 3 days. I felt like I was loosing it all, my heart was broken. Josh had already left the house that morning and in my head I couldn't decided if I should call him and tell him. My thoughts were "I don't want to worry him anymore than I am if I tell him right now....But if I don't tell him now, he wouldn't be happy with me." Of course I called him, and I am so glad he remained calm because it sure was hard for me. The bleeding turned into spotting, which made me feel a little better. I decided to continue on and go to work, and call the on call doctor as soon as I got to work.

I definitely wasn't in my cheerful mood on the way to work, I just felt as if something was right. As soon as I got there, I called the answering service and awaited anxiously for a call back. Ten minutes later, my phone rings and it is Dr. Risinger. I haven't met her as a patient, but I have met her while working and have heard nothing but wonderful things about her. I was so relieved just to have a call back, I told her everything that had happened that morning and she told me she wanted to see me. She just so happen to be at the hospital, how convenient! She needed to see all her patients in the hospital and called me as soon as she had seen everyone and told me to meet her at the office. Luckily, the office is connected to the Children's hospital so just a short stroll and I was there.

Dr. Risinger walked me straight back to the ultrasound machine.. and immediately little one was waving at us on the screen! Baby still had a strong heartbeat. As she continued looking around, Dr. Risinger stated that we have a very photogenic and active baby. What a relief!! Turns out I had a subchorionic bleed. Which basically from everything that I have read means that a small part of the placenta tears from the uterine wall and a small blood clot develops. She didn't seem too concerned and mentioned this is one of the most common causes of bleeding during pregnancy, said that it should resolve on it and I may see spotting up until 16 weeks. I was told to take it easy, which is easy to do at home...not so much at work! Boy, you have NO idea how much relief it was to see little one still bouncing around and still looking fabulous. I was terrified that I would have to wait for my appointment on Monday morning, which I think I would have gone insane constantly thinking what was going on in there.

Giving thanks....

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, there is no better time than to give all my thanks to everything that has happened in my life!

As you know, I am beyond thankful (words can't describe how I feel) for our precious little miracle that God has blessed us with. It has been 11 beautiful weeks and we can't wait to see the rest of these weeks! As much as we went through over the past year: all the prayers, heartaches, wishes and dreams, physical and emotional breakdowns, and the many tears that I left on Josh's shoulders makes me even more thankful. I am even thankful for that journey we went through because it has made my relationship with my husband even stronger than I ever thought it could possibly be. We are both so excited for this NEW journey that we are on and count our blessings each and everyday. I am so thankful for all of my family and friends that has been by our side! We definitely learned who truly cares for us and it has made our relationships so much better. I couldn't ask for any better, supportive family and friends. I want all of you to know we couldn't have survived through this last year without y'all!

I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving with their loved ones. Enjoy the time spent together, the memories that are made and remember those loved ones that are no longer with us. Enjoy the turkey, green beans, mac and cheese, and all the desserts...because I know I definitely will!! :) Love all of you so much!!

Our first visit with the OBGYN

Baby Crolley @ 9.5 weeks (hard to see) ^

We were so happy when we had our last visit at Dr. Moore's office last Thursday! By that I mean, our baby has progressed and continued to grow and is now out of his expertise! I am very appreciative of everything that Dr. Moore has done for us, even though it was a rough ride and cost us a pretty penny. Every bit of it was completely worth it, and I'd do it all over again just to see that beautiful image on the screen!

Today we went to our first visit with a new OBGYN, for prenatal blood work and a dating ultrasound. We actually got to hear the heartbeat for the first time too! Previously we were just able to see it beat at Dr. Moore's office. I truly believe that is the best sound to any mother and father's ears! Just amazing to hear :) Baby bean has a beautiful strong heartbeat at the rate of 173bpm. The ultrasounds have consistently shown that bean is measuring about a week behind from my last period (between Dr. Moore and Women's Physicians Associates). So basically instead of me being 10weeks 4 days, I am 9weeks 5days. Our estimated due date changed officially from June 7th to June 15th. We also saw that my ovaries still look very large according to the new office I am seeing. Little do they know is that my ovaries are the size of peas compared to a month ago, when they were grapefruits! Otherwise, everything is going as smoothly as it could go! :)

Josh and I decided we needed to take a short getaway this past Friday. We packed up and headed towards the mountains. We spent Friday in Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge, TN and came home late Saturday night. We would have loved to stay longer, but with all the hospital and infertility bills we knew we could only just stay one night. It truly was a fabulous time for us just to get away from everything and enjoy being with each other, which was much needed after everything we have been through recently.

Baby Crolley (hard to see) and the heartbeat! ^

9 weeks...

Not sure about this belly yet... I completely lost most of the fluid I had accumulated, and then this past week I have had this little bump appear. Part of me thinks some fluid is coming back because I shouldn't look any different at 9 weeks. So, who knows!! We don't go back until November 11th for our last ultrasound with Dr. Moore, we will be 9 weeks and 6 days then. Still no morning sickness, thank God!
Just a little update :)

8 weeks prego...

Here is Baby Crolley's new picture, at 8 weeks. Technically lil bean is measuring smaller than they say how far along I am, but Dr.Moore says that everything looks good. He doesn't feel like there is anything to be concerned with because we still have a strong heartbeat and went from 4mm to 11.2mm, so we have good growth! All we can do is continue praying that this baby is strong and continues to grow with no complications! Our estimated due date is June 7, 2011, I have a feeling it will definitely be changing though to a later date. Either way I am fine with that as long as baby makes an appearance. :) Dr.Moore told us that we could stay with them for one more ultrasound or I could go ahead and go to my OBGYN. I decided to stay with Dr.Moore just one more time, I mean wouldn't you?! Who knows when I will get another ultrasound with the OB, and I KNOW I will be getting one on November 11th. After that ultrasound, we will then be transferred to a new OBGYN that I have never seen before, hopefully all goes well!

After our ultrasound, Josh and I took an adventure to Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, and Burlington Baby Depot to take a looksie at cribs and furniture! Boy was that fun!! I think I have narrowed down what I like, but of course will not buy anything until after the first trimester! I just wanted to get ideas and prices, since those are so important! We also bought our first pack of diapers last week to stash away in the closet, our plan is to buy a pack each time we go grocery shopping once a week. I was overly excited just to buy those, haha... I know, totally crazy!

soooo.. looks like we have a miracle joining us in June!!!!

Finally I get to share our great news....We will be expecting a little baby Crolley this June!! It was soooo hard to keep that quiet, a select few knew but the majority of people I had to lie to! I am soooo sorry for the lies, I wanted to at least see a heartbeat before it became broadcast news.. You have nooooo idea how happy we are, each day we get more and more excited!

We found out about a week and a half before I was admitted into the hospital, so trying to explain what was going on without mentioning the baby was VERY hard!! We had to get a little creative with the stories sometimes, sorry! :) The reason my body wouldn't quit producing the fluid was because the more hcg hormone (pregnancy hormone produced by baby)that is produced, the worse it gets. HCG doubles about every other day, so that explains why I am still dealing with fluid in my abdomen. Two Thursdays ago, we headed to the doctor's office with the intentions of seeing a heartbeat, little did we know we were walking into a huge scare! Dr.Moore was concerned that I still had a ton of fluid, I even asked to be drained again! So I headed back to Baptist for an outpatient paracentesis and had a little over 2 liters drawn off again.
Before we went to the hospital, we had an ultrasound in the office. Dr.Moore kept saying, "oook...hummmm...oook" as we were watching on the ultrasound screen (having NO idea what I was looking at!) for what seemed like an eternity! Immediately I knew something was wrong and freaked out!! He told me he was concerned because we couldn't see a fetal pole (the first signs of a heartbeat) even though there was a perfect gestational sac and yok sac. To hear the words "threatened abortion" was our worst nightmare! In my head all I could think "How?! How is this possible, I am still producing a ton of fluid, I would think that means our little baby is still growing!" After everything we have been through, this was the absolute worst thought ever!!! While I had more blood work drawn, to make sure the hormone was increasing as it should all I could do was pray. I wanted to burst out in tears right in front of everyone in the office and I couldn't even look at Josh's face, as I knew he was just as heartbroken as me. We prayed and left that office with so many fears, and a little gleam of hope that this baby would be strong and push through! That afternoon, Dr.Moore called us with my blood results which was right on point and doubling beautifully. Turns out according to more calculations, we were not as far along as everyone had originally thought. PHEWWW!! Dr.Moore told me that this isn't a freak out moment yet, wanted us to wait another week and come back for another ultrasound. Needless to say, this week was the longest wait I feel like I had ever been through. A ton of prayers, tears,trying to stay positive, and my awesome husband is what got me through that horrible week!!

I was so nervous, scared, and anxious while we waited for this ultrasound. It felt like it took them forever to come to the room, as I sat on the table. A week later, we saw our baby's beautiful heartbeat! How amazing is that to say?! The absolute best feeling in the world! I looked over at Josh and all he could do was smile, you couldn't wipe that grin off his face! :) Dr.Moore was still concerned that I had a moderate amount of fluid, but gave me permission to finally go back to work (even though he was hesitant) but I had to take it easy! He said he had never seen someone have fluid that lasted this long, and thought possibly that I needed to be drained again. I refused the drain, I felt the best I had in weeks. I was eating, drinking, could breathe fine, and moving around very well. Life couldn't get any better at this moment in time!!

This Friday I will be 8 weeks, very early still and continue to pray everyday that our baby grows and is healthy & happy! I go back for another ultrasound this Friday, luckily we have ultrasounds weekly! How many people get to say that?! I guess that is the only plus about going through all the infertility treatments, most people don't get to see but 1 ultrasound around 10-12 weeks. I pray that I don't get morning sickness, as none of that has started. I figure maybe the Lord thinks we have been through enough that He wants to make this a little easier for me! ;) Either way, I am grateful that I haven't had any nausea or vomiting. My only symptoms are that I have to use the little girls room at least 1-3 times during the night and like 100 times during the day....and I am eating like a cow!

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the prayers!! All those prayers is what as gotten us through this horrible time. I am very appreciative for all the support from our family and friends, not sure what I would have done without all of y'all! Lastly, I want to thank my husband, Josh who has been through all of this with me and still continues to be my rock. He has been excellent at taking care of me while I was sick and couldn't walk. Not to mention, he has been fabulous with getting me everything that I am craving!! :) I couldn't ask for a better husband and can't wait to see him as a father! Love you Boo!
Thank you Lord for this amazing miracle that you have blessed us with, we are sooo grateful!!

At home...hopefully recovering quickly!

Last I posted I was still admitted in the hospital, well I was sent home on Sunday (thank goodness! being a patient is definitely not for me!). Before they sent me home Sunday, I had developed more fluid than I think I ever have before. I had another paracentesis done (3rd time being tapped) and had 3.5 liters of fluid removed from my abdomen. Boy did I feel better! So as of now, I have had about 6.5 liters removed within less than 1 week!! Dr. Moore felt like I could go home and make sure that I had good fluid intake and output, bedrest, and that I could monitor myself just as well. As my week started I felt great, and then Tuesday I noticed not only was I developing ascites again but my lower back had pitting edema (for all you non-medical people, you could press your finger into my back and leave an indentation from it). I was told to continue monitoring it, weigh myself frequently, and measure my abdominal girth and if I couldn't make it to my follow up appointment on Friday than to call earlier. Well needless to say I was getting miserable again, back to the doctor's office we go only to be sent back to Baptist hospital for another paracentesis (that makes 4!!). I had a little over 2 liters drawn off and like usual, felt immediately better! (That makes a total of 8.5 liters removed from my little self!) We are unsure if the fluid will come back, Dr. Moore was truly hoping this is the last time but can't promise anything. So now I am back at home, resting....and resting...and resting! I am soo tired of resting and am so ready to get my life back to normal, not to mention get back to work!

I hate I am going to probably miss the State Fair this year, but I guess I will live.... :) Thanks for all the prayers, it means the world to me!!