Friday, July 16, 2010

Where do we start?

The day you make the big decision to start a family is amazing. You are so full of hope and excitement, but also fearful at the same time. Little did Josh and I know that things were going to be, lets say a challenge for us....

At the beginning of our journey, things were great...or so we thought they were. About 4 months into it, I found out that I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Basically, my ovaries are covered with cysts, causing my hormones to be out of whack, which in turn does not allow my body to ovulate. There are different severity's of PCOS, many people can get pregnant without any medical help, I on the other hand can not. I was started on a medication called Metformin in December 2009. Metformin is an oral medication for diabetics, although I am not diabetic, the thought was to fix my insulin levels which would fix my hormone levels (they all play a role together). The metformin made me sooooo sick for about a month, I basically had to eat like a diabetic until my body adjusted to it. Now that my body has adjusted, I can eat all the sugar or carbs I want :) Several months after discovering that the metformin hasn't done anything for me, I was started on Clomid. Clomid is an oral fertility drug that is supposed to make you ovulate (nasty side effects!!). I tried different dosages for 3 months and never got any results. Each month was full of what if this doesn't work, mood swings (poor Josh), MAJOR hot flashes, emotional breakdowns...then heartache to discover nothing was working. That is when my OBGYN decided it was time for me to move onto a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) that specialized in PCOS and could do further treatment that she wouldn't be able to do for me. To hear that you are being referred to a "fertility doctor" was the most heartbreaking thing for me, I couldn't help but tear up when she told me that. The first thought that popped into my head was...$$ How are we going to be able to afford this?! I have NO idea how much this is going to cost...What 24 year old has to see a fertility doctor?! It shouldn't be this hard...Then I started to lose hope on everything....

As Josh and I walk into Dr. Edward Moore's (Carolina Center for Fertility) office I became extremely nervous. I had researched so much about PCOS and the "infertility talk" that I felt a little at ease because it wouldn't all be foreign to me. Now, Josh on the other hand doesn't speak much medical lingo, so it was a little different for him. We sat down in Dr. Moore's office for our first consultation. As we were talking, Dr.Moore gave me hope with the words "I will get you pregnant. I have a feeling at your age it won't take us long!" He told us that the first step would be for us to take an oral medication called Letrozole (a drug commonly given for breast cancer..shown to help with ovulation), give myself daily hormone injections, then have an IUI (intrauterine insemination). Dr. Moore said we had to take things VERY slowly because of the PCOS, if not I could produce a large amount of follicles which would increase our risk for multiples. Now, we are already increasing our risk of having multiples just by using fertility medications, so I agree we definatley need to take this slowly! He recommended that if my body over responded to the medications, then IVF (invitro fertilization) would be our best & last option of trying to have our own child. So we had a plan!! Josh and I were so full of hope and excitement about this next step. Also, turns out that my health insurance covers SOME of the infertility costs, so that is a HUGE weight lifted off of us!

A month later, our treatment starts. I started taking my oral Letrozole (which had NO nasty side effects, thank goodness), then I started my daily Follistim (injections in my stomach). When you take injectibles, you have to be monitored VERY closely. I had blood work drawn every other day until my numbers finally reached where we wanted them to be. Almost 1.5 weeks of blood work (which wasn't covered by insurance...so $130 or so a pop) then I got to have an ultrasound to see what was going on. My first ultrasound, I was so excited thinking there would be atleast 1 mature follicle. My heart was broken once again... no mature follicles. Just a TON of immature ones. So, I continued my injections and then came back for my every other day ultrasound... And still, nothing was mature yet! 2 more days passed and I FINALLY had 1 mature follicle and 2 follicles that were almost there. So we got the green light to give my injection of HCG. HCG makes the follicles be released within 36 hours, causing ovulation. I gave myself my HCG injection Saturday and then Josh and I had to go into the office Monday morning for our first IUI. I was extremely nervous, I don't know why because I had already done the most nerve wracking part leading up to the IUI. After the IUI, I was told to wait 2 weeks until I tested at home to see if I was pregnant! 2 weeks!!! I think I may go insane waiting that long!!!

So as the 2 week wait started on it's merry little path, we were optimistic. We didn't want to believe that it would work the first time, and then be heartbroken in the end. We were trying to be realistic about the situation. Several days after the IUI, I became miserable. My abdomen had swollen up so much that I looked like I was very pregnant! It hurt when I went to the bathroom, I gained 5 pounds in 2 days, none of my pants would button, I couldn't lay on my stomach, and I would get out of breath very easily. Something wasn't right..... I called Dr.Moore and they wanted to see me as soon as possible. I knew exactly what was wrong, I had read so much about OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). Dr. Moore said I had very large ovaries and moderate ascites (fluid on my abdomen) and that if it didn't get any better then I would have to have it drained by a needle. He also said "This must be a good sign, most women that get this turn out to be pregnant! If you are pregnant, it is most likely going to get worse before it gets better". I was instructed to bedrest, keep my feet up and relax until things got better. So needless to say, I hated that I had OHSS but I was so sure that I was pregnant!

Once my 2 week wait was over, my abdomen swelling had gone down alot. I took a pregnancy test, and of course it was negative....several days later I knew that our first cycle with IUI was over. I didn't know how to act, all I could do was cry and ask "why me? why is it so hard for us, who wants a child, can't have one?!" Josh has been my rock through all of this, he is always there to console me. He will just hug me when I'm upset and not ask a thing, because he already knows. We went back for a baseline ultrasound ( you must do these before you can move onto the next cycle) and my ovaries were still very large and had alot of cysts. So we have to wait atleast another month and see how things look....

So here we are now...waiting once again! Josh and I have come to peace about last month and are very optimistic about our next try. We believe that God has a plan for us, we must be patient and wait. I believe He has great things in store for us! As we wait, Josh and my relationship has gotten stronger than ever. We are so thankful to have such supportive family and friends. We continue to pray everyday that God will grace us with a beautiful baby Crolley one day! :)

"I would die for that"